NOTHING TO see here. Except some fabulous pictures and 29 reasons why you SHOULDN’T holiday in Florida.
Oh … hang on …
It’s mainly pictures, so grab a coffee and enjoy!
1. It ALWAYS rains.
Sunset over Indian Rocks Beach, Florida.
2. The entire state is completely DEVOID of culture.
The Tampa Theatre in Tampa, Florida.
3. There’s nothing really unique or interesting to see there.
The Howey Mansion in Winter Haven, Florida.
4. Florida has basically no tradition at all.
Members of the Miccosukee tribe perform a dance.
5. Nope, no sense of identity to be found anywhere in Florida.
A mural in Miami’s Little Havana neighborhood.
6. No sir, there’s nothing to see or do in the whole state.
Revelers at the Miami-Broward Carnival.
7. There’s no real sense of history.
The nation’s Oldest Wooden Schoolhouse stands in St. Augustine, Florida.
8. Because nothing happened in Florida before, like, 1987.
A bit of history in Amelia Island, Florida.
9. The wildlife there consists of mosquitos and slightly larger mosquitos.
Dolphins swimming off the Florida Keys.
10. … Or terrible swamp beasts.
A purple gallinule in the Florida Everglades.
11. Nope, nothing worth preserving in Florida.
A Florida panther sunbathes in a wildlife refuge.
12. UGH, IT’S SO GROSS.
A roseate spoonbill photographed near Sarasota, Florida
Florida manatees at the Crystal River and Chassahowitzka National Wildlife Refuges.
A hummingbird at Butterfly World in Coconut Creek, Florida.
15. It’s all just strip malls and tacky gift shops.
Vizcaya mansion and gardens in Miami, Florida.
16. If you’re not a beach person, there’s absolutely NOTHING to do there.
The Ringling Museum in Sarasota, Florida.
17. I’m telling you, if you’re looking for art and culture, look elsewhere.
The Dalí Museum in St. Petersburg, Florida.
18. And Miami? Forget it. If you’re not into clubs, there’s nothing for you there.
The outdoor portion of the Pérez Art Museum Miami (PAMM).
19. Floridians definitely don’t have a sense of humor about themselves.
20. “Florida luxury” is an oxymoron.
Lobby of The Breakers hotel in Palm Beach, Florida.
21. Seriously, Florida has nothing to offer you if you’re looking for anything remotely elegant.
Pool at The Biltmore Hotel in Coral Gables, Florida.
The Venetian Pool in Coral Gables, Florida.
23. How many palm trees can a person stand to look at?
Native plants bloom at Fairchild Tropical Gardens in Miami, Florida.
24. Florida is basically all just cheesy beaches full of tourist traps.
Horses in the heart of “Horse Country,” Ocala, Florida.
25. It’s not like anyone cares about surfing.
Surfing in Cocoa Beach, Florida.
26. No one interesting ever spent time in Florida. Why would they?
The Thomas Edison and Henry Ford winter estates in Ft. Myers, Florida.
27. Nope. No one at all.
The Ernest Hemingway Home and Museum in Key West, Florida.
28. And if you’re looking for family activities, you’d better look literally anywhere else.
Nightly fireworks at Disney World’s Magic Kingdom in Orlando, Florida.